Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. From cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with woeful writing, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final series began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the least of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
Given the legal troubles, abuse claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.
Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
There are obviously interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.
We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
A software engineer and tech writer passionate about open-source projects and AI advancements.
